True Story

When I was young I bought a car, it was my pride and joy, I showed it to my cousin who was married to a very nice boy. This boy was poorly in a hospital far away. Would you take me to see him she asked, I said yes right away.

She said can I bring my friend along, just for the ride of course. She really needs cheering up she’s just had her divorce.

When we got to the hospital her man was in a poor way, she said I’m sorry I can’t go back I really have to stay, please take my friend back to hers I know it’s on your way.

I said of course I would it would be a pleasure. She said “oh” thank’s you are a pal you are a real treasure. I said it’s Saturday night the roads are quiet we can drive back at our leisure.

We travelled on for quite a way through a place called Battle, then the old car gave a cough and stopped with a little rattle.

I said I’m sorry to the girl I’m feeling quite an ass, I forgot to stop at the garage and now we’re out of Gas.

I took the can and walked and walked until I found a garage then I walked back to my disabled carriage.

She cried oh dear where have you been I’m cold and in a muddle, so I gave her my coat to thick to know she really wanted a cuddle.

When we arrived at her home she said please don’t drive on alone at night, you can sleep in the spare room you’ll be alright.

The spare room I didn’t like the sound of that but now I think you stupid prat.

She couldn’t say come and sleep with me, but I think she wanted male company, an offer like this only comes once, I must have been an awful dunce.

Now I’m old and life’s hill is down I think you fool you utter clown the offer came and you turned it down.